Saturday, October 29, 2011

Marriage Secrets Lead to a Happy Marriage?

In a world filled with a love ‘em and leave ‘em mentality a new book has emerged. It is entitled, The Secret Lives of Wives. I read the book and knew I’d write about it, but I’m still trying to figure out if I liked it. Iris Krasnow has written several books on the subject of marriage. Her first book, Surrendering to Motherhood was a NY Times bestseller. Her latest book is in essence a marriage manual. Some, who are against marriage, may call it an expose’ on marriage.

Krasnow interviewed 200 women who have been married anywhere from 15-70 years. This is truly remarkable considering the divorce rate for first time marriages in America is 41% and climbing every year.  Oh, what a sad story. Krasnow speaks with many women to discern how they managed to beat the marriage odds. What did they do differently to have their marriages last decades? You will have to decide for yourself if what they did is worth the long lasting marriage.

This is a tell-all book and it includes a few interesting secrets to a happy marriage. Some of the secrets may astound you. Some of the veteran married women advise making out with your old boyfriend. One meets privately with her college boyfriend and has for years and another has a long standing affair with her gardener. Another takes a separate vacation. She leaves her spouse at home and goes on her own vacation.  He usually takes a vacation too, they just go to separate destinations.

Krasnow writes that, "To expect one person, man or woman, to make you happy for the rest of your life is a ticket to divorce." Look for excitement and fulfillment outside your marriage. Make yourself happy and your marriage will be happy too!  I do not buy into the idea of cheating on your spouse as helping you maintain a happy marriage, but I can see how taking a class or finding a hobby you enjoy would make a positive impact on your life.

IF you are looking for a quick read that presents unique options on what it means to be married this may be the book for you. IF you have a more traditional view of marriage this book may offend you.  Krasnow does not condone the choices of the women interviewed, but presents their options for a happy marriage and leads the reader to investigate their own morals and own inspiration for happiness. She presents ancedotes from her own life along with those from the women she interviewed. The stories flow together seamlessly and will lead you to think  for yourself about what will make your marriage happier.

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